In a heart-breaking reality of American life, millions of children, women and men in the United States bear the permanent scars of sexual assault and domestic violence. How many millions is hard to say because sexual assault and domestic violence have been taboo topics for generations of Americans. Based on personal experience and the 18-month long series of stories on sexual assault I supervised at the Cape Cod Times, I can say it's highly likely that the vast majority of U.S. families have been marred by these heinous crimes.
This week at the Seacoast Repertory Theatre in Portsmouth, one of my journalism colleagues had the extraordinary courage to lift the shroud off her darkest secrets for the whole world to see. Portsmouth Herald photo director Deb Cram survived years of domestic violence at the hands of her father then endured her foster mother's sexual abuse.
Cram's story, and the reaction to its telling, shines light on the many facets of this national tragedy.
The perpetrators who denied Cram any semblance of an innocent childhood were not strangers, they did not jump out from behind a bush, they did not flee the scene of their crimes. They lived in her home. In most cases, the perpetrators of sexual assault and domestic violence are known to their victims: they are relatives, boyfriends, girlfriends, co-workers, neighbors, priests, teachers, youth group leaders. They are all around us. The only way to stop them is to cast aside the veil of secrecy that our society has allowed them to hide behind. In previous generations, only the bravest victims dared to disclose these crimes and, far more often than not, the perpetrators escaped justice because their families and the authorities were ill-equipped to take action.
We all owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to Cram and those like her who have found the strength to share their horrific stories of abuse. And we must encourage all of them, especially our young children, to step forward and ask for help.
Many of our fellow citizens are still in denial about the pervasiveness of sexual assault and domestic abuse, and their unwillingness to confront this scourge on American society is a major stumbling block to addressing the problem. In the days since Cram appeared on the Seacoast Repertory Theatre stage, dozens of people have reached out to her privately to share stories about abuse that have touched their families. The editor of the Portsmouth Herald has only received one comment from the public: a woman who called the newspaper to complain that the Page 1 story on Cram's stage appearance should have been replaced with the photo of Santa Claus that ran on Page 3. We obviously have only begun the process of coming to grips with sexual assault and domestic violence in a way that will turn the tide.
At least three of my family members have survived sexual assaults, all before they reached the age of 20. In all three cases, my loved ones knew their attacker. In all three cases, the perpetrator escaped justice. One of the monsters stood trial, twice, but is free to continue his sociopathic behavior because the court failed to put him behind bars.
Sexual assault cases are notoriously difficult to prosecute. Young children do not make good witnesses. The actions and even the attire of adult victims become key issues at trial: defense attorneys imply "she was asking for it." Members of the jury, like the hapless caller to the Portsmouth Herald editor this week, either can't be brought to understand the evidence or don't want to face the facts.
Momentum is building to curb this deadly epidemic. It is one of the great challenges of our generation. Just as Deb Cram found the courage to bear her soul on a theater stage, we must all be willing to expose and confront those who would inflict the torment of sexual abuse and domestic violence on our families.
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